I used to pride myself that while my peers were contemplating university or paying off student loans, or getting a 'good job at an office,' I was travelling the world, experiencing many cultures, having many life-altering adventures, meeting many people from many different spheres of life and learning how the world turned, in the real world.
And that suited me just fine, because while I was definitely an introvert, I craved life. Introverts are great observers of people. Writers have extraordinary memories because observation of other people and other worlds and the detail of daily life that usually goes unnoticed by most are what interests us. It's what we're passionate about. I remember my 5th form English teacher telling me that one of my greatest talents was my attention to detail in my writings. (Well, that can be a bad thing too, as some of my more lengthy blog postings bear testament).
And it's weird, but somehow this year, with my epiphany that came with my coming of age (40) and the events that have transpired this year to throw the foundations of my life all up in the air, I find myself reverting back to my introvert self. It is a comfort to me, in a world that has turned upside-down.
I want to know who my true friends are. I've questioned that alot this year. Friends have always been important to me.
And I don't want to do things that make me uncomfortable anymore.
Tomorrow night I am going to a dance at the school with my eldest son. I bought a pretty dress for it and I'm looking forward to a special time with him, celebrating the end of his childhood years, I guess, before he encroaches on the world of highschool and the growing load of responsibility. But I have to go into an environment that makes me uncomfortable. I pretty much only know two other people who will be there - the principal of the middle school, and the mother of one of my children's friends. There would have been two others, but they are not going to be there, for one reason or another. And I'm kind of tired of talking to people who are not interested in talking to me. What I would most like is to walk into a room full of people who I'm familiar with, and comfortable with. I guess some of what I'm feeling comes with having moved location so many times. I'm just tired of trying to find someone you click with. With us introverts it doesn't happen very often, but when it does, you pretty much have a friend for life. In each town that we have moved to, I've been fortunate enough to meet at least one person who I have instantly connected with - even here in Tauranga.
The world is so superficial, so busy, so wrapped up in doing what pleases them that they are not interested in pleasing other people. I find that alot these days. When you have moved around as much as we have, you notice it more, I guess. It's the penalty we are paying for technology, for greater opportunity, for a higher standard of living. But is it worth the loss of community?
I get tired of being told that you have to join this group, or that group, or join here or there, to meet people and make friends. I hate that I have to be defined into an' interest group' to meet like-minded people. Why do I hate it? Other people seem to accept it. Why can't I? I don't know the answer to that - I just know that it irritates me that society has to be broken down into little interest-groups.
I grew up in a small town - where we mixed with our neighbours; where new kids at school were interesting and accepted, where family get-togethers were part of our weekends, where our teachers were our parents' friends, where everyone knew who you were and who your parents were and who your grandparents were and pretty much what immigrant ship your ancestors came out on in the 1800's!
So, I've been thinking about all these things lately. I guess everyone has these times where they reflect, and muse, and ponder the things of life and how they impact personally. I love these
'Eleven Hints for Life'. I don't know who wrote them - but each one is powerful in its truth, and I have a story for each point. Do you?