Downton Abbey Final - contains spoilers.

This post contains SPOILERS, so if you have not see the final yet, I suggest you come back later.

Because we got to see Downton before America!

Downton Abbey and me have had a rough relationship.

Like half the planet I fell in love with it from the beginning and then I got mad at writer and creator Julian Fellowes for killing off Matthew Crawley just as he was at his happiest, and refused to watch it again until I had forgiven him,

Julian Fellowes....

...and then I got bored of seeing Anna and Mr Bates trot off to prison every other episode, so you might say this has been a very up and down relationship.

It was like Julian Fellowes was a happiness killer for 6 whole, entire seasons.

Ok, so maybe I haven't quite forgiven him completely yet.
But he does do his best to make us like him again in the final.

So the other week when the Christmas Special Final showed in New Zealand I happened to be out at our beach house. I thought I'd just have to wait until it came out on DVD to watch it because we don't have a television at the beach house and reception has never been very good out there anyway. But not this year! The cousins had managed to hook up a tv and we were all booked in for a Downton Abbey beach-fest screening - served with a delicious Rhubarb crumble.

Have you seen the final? What did you think of it?

I am going to miss watching Maggie Smith so much. She made the series. She really did.

There are a few words I could use to sum up the final episode of Downton Abbey.

Weddings. Predictable. Happy Ending.

Julian Fellowes decided not to kill happiness.

And that pretty much sums up the last episode.

I could have given it a scathing review because if there is another tv show that trumps this final for trying to cram as many romances and weddings into it as Downton did in the last final, I have never heard of it. We lost count of how many times the violins played and just about everyone ends up with a romance, marriage, or the potential of a romance or marriage. But in the end, you just can't hate Downton - even in all it's predictableness and one-liners. It's been a brilliant show to watch and I'm going to miss it.

It seems like the whole series has been one big fight to find love and happiness.

And Julian Fellowes gives us that in bucketloads in the last special. He lathers it on in syrup, lavender and everything coming up roses. And while it is everything you could wish for - a happy ending - everyone goes off to live lovely and fulfilling lives - where everything comes right in the end, and truth be known, I always like a happy ending, but it did feel rather predicatable and rather squashed in.

So to sum up:

Lord Grantham is miserable and then he is happy.
Lady Mary is nasty and then she is nice.
Lady Edith is miserable and can't make up her mind and then she is suddenly happy and can make up her mind.

The Dowager Lady Grantham is just the same as always - and has the best lines.

(This. Truly. My life at the moment)!

Mrs Crawley is miserable and then she is happy.
Branson is miserable and then he is happy.
Carson is miserable and then he is happy.
Mrs. Hughes is miserable and then she is happy.
Daisy is miserable and then she is happy.
Thomas is miserable and then he is happy.

Molsely is miserable and then he is happy.
Mrs Patmore is not looking for love and then finds she quite likes it - in the last few minutes of the show.
Anna and Mr Bates have been miserable for the whole darn show, but finally in the last show they are happy and nothing bad happens.
To them.
To anyone.

Except maybe Carson.

So we bid farewell to Downton. It's the ending of a happy romance - a blissful escape from reality.
Thank you Julian Fellowes for the pleasure. I know you had to end it sometime, but I think we all hoped it would carry on forever.

We've really loved it, you know.

Love Many. Trust Few.

One of the things that comes when you are growing into yourself, is an awareness of your vulnerabilities and your strengths. It’s strange that the two can be closely intertwined but they are.

My Vulnerability:

I have been exposed to narcissism all my life. Narcissism is an extreme selfishness - but can often be manifested in many different ways. Sometimes the narcissist is obvious - the charismatic leader who draws people to themselves, but where everything is engineered to feed their great need for the world to revolve around them. Sometimes the narcissist is not so obvious - you might think of them as a giving person - unselfish - but their unselfishness feeds their need to be needed, and they often control those who revolve in their world. 

Narcissism is a personality disorder. Most likely the person you know with this is not even aware they have it. Narcissism also means that the person who has it has most likely had some terrible hurt in their lives and this is their way of coping.

My narcissism radar is on high alert these days. It’s easy to see a narcissist behind every lamp post so I have to be careful who I label with this in my mind, as it sets a prejudice, and I do not want that, but in my journey to healing from having my life impacted by narcissism, I have been pondering over something that a wise person said to me recently. And that is that once you have had a narcissist in your life, you can spot it a mile away.  This wise lady told me that she never allows herself to get involved with a narcissist. Ever. Not even in the smallest way. You run. You protect yourself. You set the boundary.

My Strength:

My strength - and that is my intuition. That ‘still, small voice’ that sends out little alarms. I am still learning to use it - I am trying to embrace it. It’s always been there, but I’ve never had the confidence in it before. Now, I do.

We who have the Myers-Briggs personality type of INFJ (Introvert/Intuitive/Feeling/Justice), have this thing called the ‘INFJ Door Slam’. To me this is setting boundaries which I no longer allow people to cross over to manipulate me. It goes completely against how I have behaved up until this age. I have always been open, friendly, welcoming and accepting of people - a little naive perhaps, but through the last few years as I have learned about my vulnerabilities and strengths, I realise that this is not altogether healthy. People can and will take advantage of that. Manipulators can and will take advantage of that, which is why it’s important to recognise your vulnerabilities and then to use your strengths to counteract that.

Narcissism radar and INFJ door slam - I welcome you. It’s a new day for me. I’m no longer a door mat. I am learning to be confident in myself and to choose who I welcome into my life.