An Old Diary

Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Yesterday we found my old diary. I started writing it in 1985 when I was 13 years old.
The last entry is the 16th December 1991, soon after my 20th birthday. The pages are even getting yellowing age spots on them now, but when I open up the cover to read the years slip away and I am back in my youth again.

I have howled with laughter over some of the things I wrote, and have pondered with sadness some of the other things.

It is interesting to read at 40 what one wrote at 14. To relive a moment of youth through the intimate thoughts, feelings and expressions of your own self is an enlightening thing. I'm so glad I kept a diary then, and I'm so glad I've kept it all these years.

The diary is mostly full of a long and sad friendship/romance that defined my teen years and into my early adult years. I have written about this before briefly. But it is interesting to go over it again and find fresh insight into what was an intense and important time for me. I find it a little sad, and at the same time it brings a little smile to my face as I read over my raw emotions at the time, just because I took myself so seriously and teenage emotions are so intense. My grandmother once told me that a first love is never forgotten - even when you can't love them. I think that is true, as I think about the years that have passed since then and the events that have conspired to bring me to where I am now in my life. How two people can walk down two very different roads. And I acknowledge God's sovereign and gentle, guiding hand in mine.

The rest of the diary is full of funny and interesting little anecdotes of school life and home life. I have laughed and laughed over my accounts of the different boyfriends I had in my latter teen years. I pretty much refer to all of them at one point or another as 'being like brothers'! Who was I kidding! One entry in 1989 just before I turned 17...

"I'm not being vain, or anything, but I have 6 boys chasing me..."

I laughed at the entry where I decided to agree to be a boy's girlfriend because my best friend told me I should, even though I didn't really like him! Oh dear!

I love all the little school stories. About which girls are 'false' and who I don't like, and who I'm sticking by, and how much I got for my math exam. How I first shaved my legs on 1 May, 1987! My first skiing trip. My first school ball. My first kiss. It's priceless stuff. I spent one entry raving madly about my father because I'd asked him to go and pick up three of my friends when they finished work at their part time jobs, and Dad refused. 40 tells me Dad was quite justified in refusing, but 16 did not understand. I laughed so hard over that yesterday! I will try to remember that one when my own 16 year olds are unreasonable.

Here is a little excerpt from my school ball.

Anyone who raises their eyebrows at the 2.40am, might like to know that my parents and that of my dance partner's had met before the ball to discuss and agree upon a time we were to be home by. :o) But maybe in these days, 2.40am is not so bad.

I found an old newspaper cutout of Michael J. Fox. I seem to remember my school friends and I had a little crush on him. Family Ties on tv, and the Back to the Future movies were rather popular at the time.

I also found three last wills and testaments that I painstakingly wrote out. It's hillarious to note what I left to whom. My brother got my hairdryer! ??? My cousin got my soft toys. My grandparents (who have all passed away now), received sentimental things like my stories and my 'very best ring, with the ruby.' My 'past friend' got a little soft toy monkey back that he'd given me. My best friend got my jewellry, and my father got all my money; and at the end, I leave 'each one mentioned in this will a small locket of my hair." Giggle!

I think I will encourage my children to keep a diary - even just for the pure entertainment value when they are older. Also, it does help put past events into some perspective as you look at your experiences with older, more mature eyes.


Callie @ said...

That is awesome :) I have a few of my old diaries tucked away as well, beginning from '91 when I was 13 (it seems to be 'the age' where all diaries are begun!) I rambled far worse back then,than I do now and about even stupider subjects (teen angst blah blah!), but they were an important way to vent through emotions...
Anyway, great post - now you've inspired me to dig some of those old journals out for a bit of nostalgia once more! :)

Anonymous said...

I had to laugh, Rach! That was truly a find! Not of the literary sort, I never kept much of a diary, and after reading your post feel rather sorry I didn't. I'm just wondering what, if any, of your treasures you decided to leave me in your will, and really curious as to why our brother would want your hairdryer - that's hilarious! Lots of love, Pen

Heather L. said...

I LOVE diaries! I wish I could convince my kids to keep them.....I received my first at age 11 -- it looks something like yours but is plain green. I have them every year since. I also have my grandmother's diaries from probably 30 years which are priceless since I never met her.

Rebekah S. said...

Too funny! I love how you had not 1, not 2 but THREE last will and testaments. Haha I too wish I had mine. Not really sure where they are but I have a ton of pictures and report cards my mom kept. Even year books.

Maybe when I get my other blog up I'll share them. It's trying to find the time right now. Maybe one day you can share how you balanced each child with an infant. I love Amelia but can't imagine how people do it with more than one. lol I'd love to have another mind you. My hope is that it just works itself out. Haha

Love to you dear friend. Thank you for sharing such a funny post.

Cate said...

Ha - I had a few wills written out too. I was a very sporadic diary writer but do have a few bits and pieces hidden away... ;-)

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